Marriage Resources and Links

Great article in Christianity Today over Divorce and Remarriage by David Instone-Brewer.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/october/20.26.html?start=1

Les and Leslie Parrot's Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts

Gary and Barbara Rosberg's Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

Flying Solo

David L. McKenna writes in his leadership book, Never Blink in a Hailstorm, that “loneliness is an occupational hazard of leadership that comes with the territory. Going solo is a conscious choice.” In leadership and in life, isolating yourself from others’ influence, wisdom, and scrutiny can lead to spiritual calamity. God created us for Christ-centered relationships that anchor our faith in the face of life’s trials and temptations. The Jesus-follower who ignores this truth is one who is sure to fall.
McKenna goes on to write, “Confiding in no one, confessing to no one, and accepting criticism from no one, sin stalks the soloist.” Though it’s typical in most communities of faith for people to nonchalantly walk through the humdrum of powerless religious ritual, God’s desire is for us to have vibrant friendships that touch our hearts and guard our souls. It’s sad that many Jesus-followers do not experience these kinds of relationships when they are so available. And God has someone that can be a blessing to you, and someone for you to bless!
Flying solo in the Christian life will give you a false sense of independence. It will also deceive you into thinking that you’ve personally got this Christianity thing all figured out, and you don’t need any help from anyone. As you can see, the most dangerous thing about flying solo in the Christian life is arrogance and pride that sets you up above others. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says,

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

McKenna suggests that leaders have two major needs to prevent them from flying solo, and I think it’s true for Lifelong Learners of Jesus, too. Jesus-followers need a critic and a confidant. The critic in your life is the person you allow to take look at your life with a magnifying glass and warn you of the dangers that are lurking in the shadows. McKenna writes, “Every leader needs someone who can say, ‘No.’” Proverbs 13:20 says, “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” The critic is not the encourager who tells you, “Everything will be ok. Just hang in there.” The critic is the exhorter who challenges you and points out your potential for failure because he or she cares about the welfare and condition of your soul.
The confidant is literally a person with faith. That means he or she is the person you can trust. They love you no matter what happens in your life, and always have your best interest at heart. The confidant isn’t interested in your superficial opinions and ideas; he wants to hear what’s going on in your heart. Lloyd Ogilvie once spoke at a conference where thirty pastors came forward for individual prayer for the hurts they were experiencing. Following the conference, a couple of the leaders confessed they too had wounds that needed healing, but felt as if they had no one to tell. They established a Christ-centered relationship and committed to share their hurts and pray for healing. Followers of Christ need confidants.
So think twice about flying solo in the Christian life, and allow God to use the critic and the confidant to help you soar for the Kingdom, and come in for a safe landing.

Loving People for Jesus' Sake

Seventy years old, and the NASCAR sponsor and chairman of Interstate Batteries, Norm Miller, shared his story of how he came to know Christ after years of drinking, partying, and living the life of afflluence and fun. What touched me most about Norm’s testimony was one particular thing he said that changed in his heart after he surrendered his life to the Lord Jesus Christ. He shared his story at the Falls Creek Men’s Retreat last weekend.
He knew that Christ had changed his life because of an experience he had in a grocery store. He was walking down an aisle and a couple of people were walking toward him. He looked at them in the eyes, and he said that for the first time he recognized that he really loved them, even though he didn’t know them. He felt in his heart a love for people that he had not felt before without Christ.
I was truly inspired by this seventy-year-old’s message, and reminded of how Christ transforms the way we relate to people around us. He doesn’t just change the way we relate. He gives birth to a new kind of love for people that we never experienced. I experienced this kind of feeling of love last week, again.
I was driving down to Falls Creek last Friday and noticed a red car with two young men. One looked like he was a teenager, and the other looked like he was about ten or eleven. The young boy’s face captured my attention. The look in his eyes seemed distant and aimless. Maybe he was just tired from a long drive, but my heart felt a love for this young boy as I wondered if he knew Christ, or ever had the opportunity to hear about Christ. I wondered if there were any men or women in his life who were authentic Christians who were modeling for him what it means to be a true Jesus-follower. I wondered about his eternal destiny. Would he spend eternity with Christ in heaven? Or, would he spend eternity separated from God in hell?
When we love people for Jesus’ sake, and not our own, our hearts and minds are drawn to these kinds of questions and issues. The widespread depravity of the world breaks our hearts. We feel a sensitivity to the Spirit’s conviction about how we can legitimately help people, and not just pass them by. We begin caring about the souls of our wives, husbands, kids, and extended family. Jesus’ love captures our heart and opens our eyes, once blinded with self-absorption, to see the incredible lostness in the lives of friends and co-workers.
John wrote, “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and truth” I John 3:18 (NIV). Jesus taught us, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and the greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” Matthew 22:37-40 (NIV). Paul wrote in I Corinthians 13, “Love never fails.” The fruit of the Holy Spirit in your life as a Jesus-follower is “love, joy, and peace’ Galatians 5:22 (NIV).
When the resurrected Christ makes his home in the heart of a man or woman, broken by sin and blinded by self-love, the power of His resurrection breaks down those strongholds of selfishness and creates a new life of love. Love not for a select few. Love not for those easy to love. Love not for those we want to love. His love is a love for all people, everywhere. His love breaks through our hearts and makes us love in an extraordinary way. Jesus taught, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven” Matthew 5:44-45. He went on to point out, “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?” A Christian’s love is a gift from the Holy Spirit, born in the heart to touch the world with the grace of God. If there is any confirming evidence that a person is an authentic follower of Christ, experiencing a vibrant love for people is most definitely one of them.